Doesn't mean they get better.

I'm really just an extremely complicated asshole.

I currently have a headache and I'm suppressing the urge to fall asleep.

So I guess I'd like to write down a list.

Of things I feel like I am as of now.
To look back on when I am older.

1. I hate grammatical errors.

This horrible horrible need to correct bad grammar and short forms is going to stick with me for the rest of my life. I hate it, it annoys the shit out of me, and it's such a turn off to a hot face. I also hate it when people speak well, and they type in short forms or with bad grammar. Or can't differentiate 'your' and 'you're', and 'they're' and 'their'. UGH.

2. I don't know how to accept compliments.

This would also last me the rest of my existence. I don't really like that I'm harsh on myself, I just am lol. For example, if I don't believe in God, and someone else keeps trying to tell me that I do, I don't think I would be convinced, you know? It works along the same concept.

3. I have urges to do... bad things?

Yeah so I know, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't shisha, I don't club, and I don't really party. But it doesn't take the temptation away from wanting to try it. I know I stand my ground pretty strong, but it's quite relieving to think that when you're stressed out and all you want to do is cry, there's something that takes you away from all of it. Or when all you want to do is dress up and flirt with random people at the club, because it's harmless and shit like that won't ever hurt you. All I know is, if I start, and I like it, I don't think I'd be able to stop.

4. I like shoes.

Yes, yes I do. It's a sinful, expensive pleasure but it's one crazy obsession non the less. I wouldn't buy heels any less than 4 inches, and I practically only buy skate shoes. And I'm also pretty biased when it comes to boys, because the first thing I look at is probably their shoes. And I don't think I'd want to date a guy who doesn't wear Toms, Vans, Converse, lace ups or slip ons ._. Haha. I'm such an idiot.

5. Don't yell at me.

I think this is the same for all the girls out there. It's very simple and logical. You want to solve a problem with me, you talk to me and you get your point across ASAP. But if you start to yell at me, and I'm telling you trust me on this shit, I will stop focusing on trying to solve the stupid problem, and start focusing on how to yell at you and say things so I win the damn argument.

6. My life on the internet is my social life.

Look I know I'm always on the computer, and I'm always Facebooking, Formspringing, Twittering, Blogging, Youtubing etc etc. It's because that's the only life I'd have. If the world closes down Facebook, I think I'd literally drop dead. I'd cry beforehand if I had my period, but I'd definitely eventually die (of boredom).

7. Boys who like good music automatically becomes more attractive.

Again, I think I'm being biased here, but I love good music, and I love when the people I feel like one day I could fall in love with would not only share my world, but also my world of music. Music (especially lyrics) makes me understand the situation I'm going through. Whether or not the lyrics are written by song writers, or the band or singer, it just describe what I can't put into words sometimes, or makes me feel like I'm not the only person in the world who feels this certain way, that certain singers like Adele or Justin Nozuka could feel the way I do too, hee.

8. I always have short extremely concentrated talks with different boys.

Yeah I seem to have noticed this problem. It probably starts with a mutual attraction, but this attraction just stays constant, where as the need to talk to them grows everyday. We would literally text, Skype and talk at the same time every afternoon till night. But gradually everything seems to die down, and after a few months, I look back on it, and I realize that all these people are amazing, and they're super fun to talk to, and I don't know why I don't bother keeping in contact with any of them again. (Note to self: Keep in contact with all these different people because they are awesome.)

9. I love my friends.

They're are the backbones of the spine of my life. It's like, if one of them leaves, I don't think I'd be able to function properly for a really long time until it's replaced, or returned to it's natural position. Friends are amazing, at least my friends are. Well, it's safe to say, the main reason why I laugh like a hyena on crack everyday is because of these people who are constantly there to poke fun at me, and make crude remarks or try to do some strange wrestling move on me -.-

10. I'm lost.

Yeah, at 15, I felt like I had the whole world figured out, but I realized how naive I was when I was 16 and though I knew the world inside out then, until I ws 17, and this gruesome process just keeps repeating year after year because I'll never learn that I'm really lost until I admit it. I guess I'll struggle with this problem with my maturity every year after this too. I keep wondering if this is who I'm going to be for all the times to come. I wonder if one day I'll get into an accident and lose my legs, or if I lose my voice, or if I don't happen to choose the right degree course. What about my future, and if I give birth to a child who is handicapped, in a world which is crumbling to pieces?!!??!!

But shit like that's too deep for me. HEH.

I'll save that for when I'm 30 and having a midlife crisis.

Which brings me to the next point.

11. I'll never stop being me.

Because, sadly to say, cliche as it sounds, everyone else is already taken (: